Friday, January 20, 2012

The C bomb

I used to work on construction sites doing admin work.  It was great.  Get up at the crack of dawn, pull some jeans over my pyjamas, throw on the steel toed boots and off I go.  Nobody cared what anyone looked like, could tell your boss to fuck off cause he was an easy going construction guy and wouldn't respect you unless you spoke to him any other way.

This is where I learnt to swear like a dirty sailor.  I can swear like the best of them.  It has been 7 years since I worked on a site, because I chose to do the hardest job in the world and stay at home with my kids, and still my mouth is the dirtiest mouth around.  You would think it would have cleaned up a bit after all these years.  Nope, its still filthy.  

I love to read the blogs of mums who tell it as it is.  They don't sugar coat themselves to look like they live up to the perfect Mom standard.  No they tell the truth.  But what I notice the most is that these mums can drop and F bomb like the best of us....or maybe the worst of us.  It makes my heart sing to see those words down.  But really how can you get across how trying your day was unless you bring out the big words?
My favourite word is the word that only the bravest of bloggers could use.  I don't think I have ever seen it on a blog actually.   What hilly billy bitch would actually use it?   
Thats right, my favourite word is the word that all women (especially the "perfect" ones) cringe when they hear it.   The word that brings out gasps of "oh my god, you cheap hoar, how could you say such a derogative word?"

That word says exactly how I feel about someone.  Its sharp and precise.  I don't use it often.  I save it for that special someone.  That person that really fucks you over and enjoys it.   But when I say that word it brings great joy to me.  

I use the F word in front of my kids and then say "You know only adults can say that word.  I better not ever hear that word come out of your mouth or you will be in BIG trouble".  Can you say double standard?
I use the F word in front of other peoples kids and then quickly cover my mouth and say "oh my god, Im so sorry.  Whatever must you think of me?"  

Lets face it.  After a long day at home with the kids and they won't do what you say after the kazillionth time, who could blame you for dropping any swear word.  And after all it is just a word and it makes me feel gooood.

One upping the mums

I have mixed feelings about Facebook.  I am addicted to it, but I don't want to be.  I get a lot of good information out of Facebook....such as.... umm.....umm... Oh yeah. I find out about other good websites for recipes or crafts or I find out things that are going on in the city or even in my neighbourhood and I find out who is fighting with whom....oh wait, thats not that good.  I find out what naughty things my teenage nieces and nephews are up to and judge them accordingly.  Stupid teens - good job I was never a teen.  
Best thing I have learnt on facebook is how to fold those tricky fitted sheets.  Thank god.
But the bad stuff is I feel inadequate as I read about mums who seem to be the most wonderful well rounded parent.  
They walk their kids to school in -40 weather and love it while I sit at home with my kids cause I didn't want to venture out in the cold so I let them miss school.   Hey, I have a 2 year old that freaks out when I put boots and snow pants on him,  and do I really want to go through all that agony just for a five second walk into the school and then out of the school.  The older kids are only in kindergarten and grade one so its not like they are going to be missing a whole lot.....I hope.
I have one mum in particular that annoys me.  She seems to do it all right.  Here perfect breakfast on a weekend is so healthy it makes me sick
And she serves it to her children on a plate like this.  My kids get pancakes, bacon and eggs and thats if they are lucky and maybe once a month and its sure as hell not served on a tray.
She walks her dog religiously.  My dog is overly obese for a reason.  
She takes her kids out ice skating on an outdoor pond that her and her friends shovel the snow off.   I  listen to my oldest son whine at me cause we never do anything fun.   
She had friends that come to her door with fresh coffee that they made themselves just because on Facebook she said she craved a coffee.
The whole problem with this is that she posts these pictures by the hour on Facebook using Instagram, which makes the experiences look even more cooler.  
I have never felt so inadequate in all my life.   I wish I could say she is the only culprit of making me feel this way but SHE IS NOT. 

There is also the 30 something mother of two (which of who are both 5 and under) who is going on and on about Pretirement in your 30's.   WHAT???!!! Oh I am supposed to come up with some business idea and start my own company and travel the world with my children and spouse and work while I do it.   What is it that they preach? 
"Pretirement is creating a movement of entrepreneurs claiming their right to be great parents and great business people - on their terms. " 
Good for fucking you.  Thanks once again for making me inadequate because I am not an entrepreneur and I cant travel all over the world and make a living.   Im not living the perfect life.

So now I find myself looking for an idea of a business I can start and trying to figure out what I love and am good at.   So far I come up with nothing.  Im good at eating chocolate and candy.  Im good at yelling at my kids because they never listen to me. Im extremely good at watching tv. 

Im not a good DIY'er.  Im not a good baker and I can barely make supper.  I hate cleaning, which is the understatement of the year.  
Today I made home made playdough and a full fry up breakfast for my kids.....and thats where it ended. So am I an awful horrible mum cause I dont do all the stuff that they other mums do - or am I the norm?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Bottle Depot

Do they really count all the cans?  and if they do, have they ever forgot and just guesstimated?  I shove them all in a bag and I never count them myself but I think one day I will just to see if we get the same know for shits and giggles.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Kids these days.....geez louise.

My thoughts in the shower this morning didn't really ask any questions.  All I had on my mind was my niece (on my husbands side).    She is 17 years old.   We weren't sure what to buy her for xmas this year.  In the previous years we have bought her quite expensive trendy hoodies, clothes, etc... only to see her mum (who is quite a bit smaller than her) wearing the clothes instead.   I always include the gift receipt so there is no reason she cant return it.   This year we decided to give her and her brother money.  Well, we forgot to go to the bank on the way out to my in-laws acreage for xmas and there are no bank machines near where they live and it was xmas day when we left.  Yes, bad aunt and uncle -bad bad bad and thoughtless.  When they showed up for xmas day I kinda told her a white lie and said we forgot her xmas present (which we did) and we would bring it to her house later on (which I had full intentions of doing).......So I guess I didn't really lie.   Well its been 11 days into the new year and I have not done what I said.   Bad, bad Aunt and Uncle.  Yesterday while I was stalking people on Facebook - cause lets be honest, thats the whole point of Facebook isn't it?  she instant messaged me saying: 

"just letting you know on christmas you guys coulda just told us that you guys didn't get us a christmas present & you didnt have to tell us that you were going to deliever our presents , . just saying" .

I was quite taken aback.  My first thought was, You greedy spoilt bitch.  My second thought was, Wow, you  have some balls.  And then I felt embarrassed that it was the truth she was speaking.  I would never have the guts to say that to one of my older relatives when I was her age.  I would just suck up the loss and go on with my life.
So,  do I commend my niece for calling us on being thoughtless or do I criticize my niece for being rude and cocky?

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Stupid Questions

"There are no stupid questions." That's what I have been told, but even after being told that I always feel that quite a few of mine are quite stupid and are then afraid to ask them. But on the rare occasion that I really want to know the answer to that stupid question I find myself reassuring myself that someone else in the group is relieved that I asked the same stupid question they were thinking. Whats the chances? Probably slim to none but it makes me feel better all the same. And all the great reassures in the world (mainly my mum) have also told me the same.
But no more. From now on I'm going stupid all the way. I think up most of these questions while in the shower. Lets be honest, thats where I do most of my thinking for the day. Probably the reason I forget if I have already washed my hair or not.

Question No. 1. While showering is it best to shampoo your hair and leave the suds in while washing other areas of the body or should you rinse right after you have rubbed it all in?

I really need to know the answers to these questions. So feel free to answer......Please.